NYT R&R: 'Teaching Good Sex' | Men Aren't Funnier | Internet Love & Lies

It seems that the NYT is spending more time than ever on dating, relationships and  sex ed research -- which is a good thing. Sex ed, contraception, abortion rights -- everything is under fire in the Republican War on Women and the social conservative's war on sex.

The big weekend read from NYT Magazine is the cover story Teaching Good Sex by Laurie Abraham, author of 'The Husbands and Wives Club: A Year in the Life of a Couples Therapy Group. One of the final points in the excellent and informative read is that parents who embrace the positive value of sex ed aren't nearly as vocal in communicating their views as social conservatives who want an end to sex ed in the schools.

Abraham profiles Al Vernacchio, who teaches Sexuality and Society at Philadelphia's Friends' Central, an affluent Main Line school and has never had a complaint from a parent since he arrived in 1998.

The lessons that tend to raise eyebrows outside the school, according to Vernacchio, are a medical research video he shows of a woman ejaculating — students are allowed to excuse themselves if they prefer not to watch — and a couple of dozen up-close photographs of vulvas and penises. The photos, Vernacchio said, are intended to show his charges the broad range of what’s out there. “It’s really a process of desensitizing them to what real genitals look like so they’ll be less freaked out by their own and, one day, their partner’s,” he said. What’s interesting, he added, is that both the boys and girls receive the photographs of the penises rather placidly but often insist that the vulvas don’t look “normal.” “They have no point of reference for what a normal, healthy vulva looks like, even their own,” Vernacchio said. The female student-council vice president agreed: “When we did the biology unit, I probably would’ve been able to label just as many of the boys’ body parts as the girls’, which is sad. I mean, you should know about the names of your own body.”

Indeed, much of the classroom focus illuminates that reality that porn doesn't represent healthy human sexuality.

Pornography “gives boys the impression that the girl is there to do any position you want, or to please you, or to, you know, role-play to your liking,” reports one of the students interviewed by Abraham. “But yesterday, when Mr. V. said there is no romanticism or intimacy in porn, porn is strictly sexual — I’d never thought about that.”

Pleasure in sex ed was a major topic last November at one of the largest sex-education conferences in the country, sponsored by the education arm of Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey. “Porn is the model for today’s middle-school and high-school students,” Paul Joannides said in the keynote speech. “And none of us is offering an alternative that’s even remotely appealing.”

Students are taught that 70 percent of women don't climax from vaginal penetration alone. The boys admit they are shocked to learn this fact of reality. After all, the porn girls are screaming their brains out in ecstasy.

The Guttmacher Institute believes that 70 percent of teenagers have had sexual intercourse by their 19th birthday. Unlike sex ed in most classrooms in America, Vernacchio is allowed to speak of the pleasure in quality sex.

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Does Baumeister Sexual Economics Research Assume Saudi Women Actually Decide the Time for Sex?

Picasso 'Three Women'A study about the 'sexual marketplace' reveals that countries with higher gender equality have more widespread sexual behavior.

In his presentation, "Sexual Economics: A Research-Based Theory of Sexual Interactions, or Why the Man Buys Dinner," psychologist Roy Baumeister believes that the law of supply and demand and a woman's own resource portfolio help us understand people's sexual decision-making, 'especially when they're just beginning a relationship'.

The premise is that men want sex more than women do (on average) writes USA Today and that women control when it's time. This is certainly not the case in countries where women don't have their sexual freedom and men or the woman's famiy decide when females will have sex.

Just reading the article -- and not the study itself -- the research seems to have an underlying theory that women in most countries have some kind of control over when they will share their bodies. Not so, we say.

"Women's sexuality has a kind of value that men's sexuality does not," says Baumeister. "Men will basically exchange other resources with women to have sex, but the reverse doesn't work. Women … can trade sex for attention, for grades, for a promotion, for money, as in prostitution or sex with a celebrity."

At first glimpse, we find the correlation between female sexual activity and gender equality in a country to be correct -- but perhaps for all the wrong reasons.

"In countries where women are at a big disadvantage, they restrain sex, so the price is high and men make a lifetime commitment to support them to get sex," Baumeister says. "Men will do whatever is required for sex."

The reality in these cultures is that women do what they are told to do. They have no rights. Does Baumeister really believe that a woman in Saudi Arabia or the DR Congo decides when she will have sex, that she restrains sex in an independent decision-making process? We don't think so.

The facts of this study are probably correct, but the assumptions that women voluntarily restrain sexual activity as a matter of free choice is poppycock. Anne

Study | Smile in Women Wins Sex Appeal | Bad Boys Sexy to Women

Sex Appeal Tactics

British retailer Superdrug launched a survey to determine how 2000 women create sex appeal for themselves. Alas, women said they generally felt truly irresistible once a week, typically Saturday night.

Not enough time was the reason cited for not maintaining sex appeal on a daily basis. Yet six of the 20 tactics cited require almost no time. Applying a spritz of perfume (1) is cited as the top tactic, with wearing a big happy smile (2) as second. 

Cleavage on show (6) is also not time sensitive, although limited by wearability with women who want to be taken seriously in the workplace. Wearing red lipstick (14) requires no time but could be considered bold for work; same with short skirt (19).

Wearing a pushup bra (9) works at the office and takes no extra time.  Surprisingly, what's not on the list is wearing beautiful lingerie as French, Italian and Brazilian women do.

Anne has never met a pair of black lace panties that didn't amp up her inner sex appeal quotient. Victoria's Secret or no VS, American women join Brits in being more pragmatic about their lingerie. The pushup bra wins because it gets noticed. Private panties that no one sees but the woman wearing them -- nada. What a shame!

Bottom line, let's celebrate the good news. Fragrance (1) is the top way these women feel sexy and it's actionable. A smile (2) can only make everyone around you feel better, besides amping up your sex appeal. via Daily Mail

Time out! It's true that men like a woman who is smiling. Women may be just the opposite.

Male Sex Appeal Tied to Pride & Shame

In a new University of British Columbia study of 1000 heterosexual adults in North America, UBC professor Jessica Tracy's team of researchers showed images of men and women expressing different emotions -- happiness, pride and shame -- then asked participants to rank their sexual attractiveness.

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