Open Letter to Victoria's Secret From Texas Dad Raises Key Issues About Selling Sexuality to Young Women

This open letter to Victoria's Secret from a Texas dad not thrilled with the company's recent younger brand PINK foray into its 'Bright Young Things' underwear resonates with me. Victoria's Secrets 'Bright Young Things' phrases like "dare you", "feeling lucky" and "call me" on the front and back provoked significant numbers of parents to question the ways in which VS feeds a young woman's sense of self as a primarily sexual being. 

This is what he wrote:

"Dear Victoria’s Secret,

I am a father of a three year old girl. She loves princesses, Dora the Explorer, Doc McStuffins and drawing pictures for people. Her favorite foods are peanut butter and jelly, cheese and pistachios.

Even though she is only three, as a parent I have had those thoughts of my daughter growing up and not being the little girl she is now. It is true what they say about kids, they grow up fast. No matter how hard I try I know that she will not be the little ball of energy she is now; one day she will be a rebellious teenager that will more than likely think her dad is a total goof ball and would want to distance herself from my embarrassing presence.

I know that this is far down the line and I try to spend as much time as I can with her making memories of this special time.

But as I read an article today posted on The Black Sphere, it really got me thinking that maybe the culture that we currently find ourselves in is not helping the cause.

Recently I read an article that Victoria’s Secret is launching a line of underwear and bras aimed at middle school aged children. The line will be called “Bright Young Things” and will feature ” lace black cheeksters with the word “Wild” emblazoned on them, green and white polka-dot hipsters screen printed with “Feeling Lucky?” and a lace trim thong with the words, “Call me” on the front.”

As a dad, this makes me sick.

I believe that this sends the wrong message to not only my daughter but to all young girls.
I don’t want my daughter to ever think that her self-worth and acceptance by others is based on the choice of her undergarments. I don’t want my daughter to ever think that to be popular or even attractive she has to have emblazon words on her bottom.

Click to read more ...

Sex Ed | Older Women & Sexual Satisfaction | Men & Cuddling

Older Women & Sexual Satisfaction

A study of 1,235 women enrolled in the Women's Health Initiative, a longitudinal study on aging since 1993, reveals that perceived successful aging and sexual satisfaction in older women 60 to 89 go hand in hand.

Even though the women suffered from a decline in sexual activity and functioning -- including desire, arousal and ability to climax -- the women's satisfaction with their overall sex lives remained comparatively stable in their 60, 70s and 80s.

Approximately 67 percent, 60 percent, and 61 percent of women in these three age groups, respectively, reported that they were "moderately" to "very satisfied" with their sex lives.

Sexual activity was significantly lower in older age cohorts. Of the women who were married or in an intimate relationship, 70 percent of those aged 60 to 69, 57 percent of those aged 70 to 79, and 31 percent of those aged 80 to 89 reported having had some sexual activity in the previous six months. While women who were married or living in an intimate relationship engaged in higher rates of sexual activity than those who were not in such a relationship, sexual activity still decreased across age cohorts.

The women were generally very positive about the value and place of sexuality in their lives -- no matter what their age. By medical test measures, the women 80 to 89 did suffer physiological declines. Yet their attitudes were positive about the state of their sexual pleasure capacity. The stronger the mental and physical capacity of the women, the more positive they were about sexuality. via Science Daily

Feminists Are Romantic

Contrary to the claims of Schlafly, Palin and Bachmann, feminists are not romantic but may well have happier husbands and life partners. Phyllis Schlafly has blamed feminists exclusively for the nation's divorce rates but men with feminist partners reported being in more stable relationships with greater sexual satisfaction.

Other factors drive this issue, of course, including the fact that feminists tend to be more educated women and divorce rates are lower in this group.

Laurie Rudman and Julie Phelan, from Rutgers University found no support for the hypothesis that feminist women are single, lesbian or sexually unattractive, compared with women who identify themselves as being non-feminist women. In the study group of about 550 college age but also older adults, feminist women were more likely to be in a heterosexual romantic relationship than non-feminist women. via Science Daily

Men and Cuddling

First we blast away the assumption that feminists aren't romantic. Now let's talk cuddling and caressing in long-term relationship satisfaction

Women want cuddling and men could care less, right? A Kinsey Institute at Indiana University study says 'wrong'. Researchers studied relationship and sexual satisfaction throughout committed relationships, focused on more than 1,000 couples from the US, Brazil, Germany, Japan and Spain, together an average of 25 years.

Among men, relationship happiness grew if the man reported being in good health and if his partner's orgasm was important to him. The big surprise came with questions on frequent kissing or cuddling -- which was important to men in predicting relationship satisfaction but not so for women.

When the question was sexual satisfaction, both genders valued kissing and cuddling. As a footnote, the more sexual partners a man had, the less sexual satisfaction he reported.

Women's sexual satisfaction increased with time. Japanese and Brazilian women were more likely to report being sexually satisfied than American women. There are many cultural factors that can affect the outcome. We believe that health, obesity and attitudes about aging should also be investigated. via Psych Central News

Madonna's Smirnoff Dance Moves | Obesity & ED | General Mills Pulls Lesbian Ads

Madonna's Smirnoff Vodka Groove

Forget her age 53, her 24-year-old lover Brahim Zaibat and Madonna's love of club kids.

As the gift that keeps on giving, Madonna has signed on with Smirnoff vodka in a global marketing deal that kicks off with a dance contest supporting Smirnoff's Nightlife Exchange Project. The goal is to get 10 million people across 50 countries to exchange their personal 'nightlife stories' on Facebook. In a grand finale Nov. 12, Smirnoff will throw 50 parties simultaneously around the world.

Madonna is offering a spot on her next tour for one lucky dancer, chosen from hopefuls submitting a 60-second video to Smirnoff’s website before Oct 10. The winner will be chosen at a dance-off among 10 finalists at one Nov. 12 Nightlife Exchange Project parties. via Brand Channel

Erectile Dysfunction & Obesity

Increased Libido One Sexual Benefit of Weight Loss MedPage Today

Sexual function improved significantly and quickly in obese men with type 2 diabetes after weight loss with reduced-calorie diets, results of a small Australian clinical study showed.

Erectile function, sexual desire, and urinary symptoms all improved significantly in 31 men who lost 5% to 10% of their body weight in eight weeks.

See also: Obesity Promotes Erectile Dysfunction AOC Health

Family Values Strikes Again

In the aftermath of ABC's 'Pretty Little Liars' star Emily Fields coming out as a lesbian earlier this year, the ultra-conservative Florida Family Association launched a campaign against advertisers on the show.

Calling photos like this one "irresponsible imagery", the FFA described the show as "using salacious and glamorizing scenes portraying young, pretty women as lesbians", saying it "sends the wrong message to these young girls, a message that reinforces and legitimizes this homosexual lifestyle in a manner that could affect these young girls' sexual identity for a lifetime."

Remax pulled their ads almost immediately from the show. E!Online reports that this week General Mills announced that they are pulling their ad support. When asked by AfterEllen.com if GM pulled the ads due to lesbian content, a rep for the company said that was not the reason.

"The decision is entirely based on the relevance of the show's audience for our brands, not because of the sexual orientation of individual characters." the rep told the website.

Hysteria? Frigidity?

A Handy Guide to the Hysterical History of Vibrators Tres Sugar

Wilhelm Reich & Sexual Healing Without Fashion Body Armor

Una Burke's designs are inspired by historic tragic events and body accessories that convey stages o a healing process. Her conceptual wearable art pieces are associated with the cause, the physical and psychological effect and the healing stages of human trauma. Una Burke Fall 2011 Meta.Morph Collection | Andreas Waldschutz & Steffan Sappert AOC Private Studio

Body, Mind, Flower Connection

The little sashays of life and sensual learning are most interesting. A bit of background: just 30 minutes ago I answered an ongoing brainstorm about sexy flowers with the superb Scottish photographer of erotic (and just pretty, too) flowers Kate Scott, with my Sensually Yours reverie: I Love Samantha but Barbarella in the Excessive Machine Is More My Style.

Simply stated, Kate Scott and I could be dangerous together; no doubt about it.

My Healer Ellen Gayda

Last Friday, I went to see my Philadelphia bodyhealer and massage therapist Ellen Gayda, who has been treating me for a seriously disabling gym injury that went improperly diagnosed for months -- until Ellen laid her hands on my body.

A dislocated pubic bone isn't high on the list of typical gym injuries but one more likely in pregnant or post-delivery women. For month I've been working on the symptoms but not problem, until Ellen's fingers made a thorough examination of my pelvic region, said 'this won't hurt a bit', snapping me back into shape with a crackle and pop.

For the last month, Ellen and my chiropractor have been whipping me back into shape with huge success. I am correct in saying my chiro is amazed at the progress, but Ellen says I have a very responsive body -- whatever that means -- making her pleased but also expecting good results.

Ellen is trained in Taoist massage and grounded in concepts of 'Chi' or life force energy. 'Ching' is our sexual energy, our creative energy, our generative energy. It is also been called 'principal energy' because it is essential for carrying out the functions of the body. The Ching energy converts into life-force energy for the organs, which is called 'Chi'.

I can't remember the precise question that triggered an avalanche of emotion with Ellen last Friday, nor would I share it with the general public, at least not in this column. For the record, we never go to the massage table.

Ellen's newsletter was focused last Friday on the concept of body armor, which is somewhat different that your typical Freudian analysis about repression but also strongly related. It's easy to think of children growing older, becoming teens then young adults.

Sexual Atrophy

Click to read more ...

Does Baumeister Sexual Economics Research Assume Saudi Women Actually Decide the Time for Sex?

Picasso 'Three Women'A study about the 'sexual marketplace' reveals that countries with higher gender equality have more widespread sexual behavior.

In his presentation, "Sexual Economics: A Research-Based Theory of Sexual Interactions, or Why the Man Buys Dinner," psychologist Roy Baumeister believes that the law of supply and demand and a woman's own resource portfolio help us understand people's sexual decision-making, 'especially when they're just beginning a relationship'.

The premise is that men want sex more than women do (on average) writes USA Today and that women control when it's time. This is certainly not the case in countries where women don't have their sexual freedom and men or the woman's famiy decide when females will have sex.

Just reading the article -- and not the study itself -- the research seems to have an underlying theory that women in most countries have some kind of control over when they will share their bodies. Not so, we say.

"Women's sexuality has a kind of value that men's sexuality does not," says Baumeister. "Men will basically exchange other resources with women to have sex, but the reverse doesn't work. Women … can trade sex for attention, for grades, for a promotion, for money, as in prostitution or sex with a celebrity."

At first glimpse, we find the correlation between female sexual activity and gender equality in a country to be correct -- but perhaps for all the wrong reasons.

"In countries where women are at a big disadvantage, they restrain sex, so the price is high and men make a lifetime commitment to support them to get sex," Baumeister says. "Men will do whatever is required for sex."

The reality in these cultures is that women do what they are told to do. They have no rights. Does Baumeister really believe that a woman in Saudi Arabia or the DR Congo decides when she will have sex, that she restrains sex in an independent decision-making process? We don't think so.

The facts of this study are probably correct, but the assumptions that women voluntarily restrain sexual activity as a matter of free choice is poppycock. Anne

Jo Stowell & Cat O'Nine Tails | 2 Pissed-Off Women Photographers

British photographer Jo Stowell shares a point of view with Cat O'Nine Tails, the sole photographer of 'Shot with Desire', an Australian erotic website featuring only her images.

'I try to create antidotes to the usual mainstream depictions, and I love presenting men in ways that women are usually presented in the media and vice versa,' Cat explained on the fourth anniversary of her website.

'I am repulsed by fake, plastic, sterile, nasty representations of sexuality and beauty, " she says. "I am repulsed by staid formulaic approaches. I am repulsed by porn that completely overlooks female sexuality and desire and bad representations of women. There is so much nasty, horrible, tacky bad porn and erotica out there. I am repulsed by uncreative and unimaginative portrayals of sexuality.'

Cat does enjoy photographing men in submissive positions. They are often the stars of her online shows where people are not actors but models.

Meeting Jo Stowell

British photographer Jo Stowell is a soulmate to Cat, a woman photographer equally pissed off -- not by pornography per se -- but by its portrayal of female sexuality.

What I found extremely distasteful was the look in the eye of model --  which was one of hope for the approval of men. She wants to be sexy, she wants to look nice, she wants to excite and be powerful. But the vision of her is one of hoping that she will be chosen. I believe this can be attributed to the photographer himself; his images often express his own ambivalence about women. The camera controls.

Click to read more ...

Book | Human Sexality, Female Desire, Brain Scans, Internet

Human Sexual Desire

Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam have written a new book 'A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's Largest Experiment Reveals about Human Desire. 

Our Internet searches reveal much about us and so does neuroscience and brain scans. Understanding these facts gives us a much better understanding of sexuality and especially female sexuality where what we say and what we do are frequently at odds with each other.

One of the most interesting topics I've covered in my consulting work on female sexuality is that semantics mean everything. 

2006 Internet search stats confirm that women hate  the word porn, hitting the return key only 4% of the time in the 23 million searches for the word porn.

Having spent more time researching adult sites than I ever want to admit to, I understand totally why women detest the word porn. It’s gross out there.

The astute researcher digs deeper into women’s habits in the Internet’s erotic arena.  If I told you that in 2006 women executed 50% of the 75 million searches for the word sex and 56% of the 14 million searches for teen sex, are you surprised? Read on: Sexy Doublespeak | American Women & Sexual Honesty.